What comes to mind when you hear this word? Or in this instance, read it? What does the word "life" mean to you?
Right now, I'd say life as meaning a crazy-wonderful-unexpected-heartbreaking-courage-building-making-me-fearless adventure.
I'm a stubborn person. In one of my earliest posts, I wrote about a lesson one of the characters I wrote about taught me. A lesson I refused to learn for a time. I'm that way with a lot of things in life, I guess. For example, I constantly think that I know what will happen next. I think that I know what is going on. I think I am in control.
Well, guess what I constantly have to remind myself?
Number One: life is unexpected and one usually doesn't know what will happen next. Example? Many of you (if not all of you) know that I am moving to Toledo, Ohio. Well, our house closing was on Friday, April 5th and we didn't have a house to move into. (That's a long story in itself-- we thought we had a house, but it fell through upon the inspection.) So, we are now living with my wonderful grandparents about two hours away from Toledo, where my dad is working.
Number Two: more is usually going on with life than meets the eye. Many of you also may know that I've had a really rough year school-wise. This has been the first year since second grade that I have attended a "brick-and-mortar" school (I was homeschooled for third grade through eighth grade). So, that was a pretty big change in itself; I was learning in a whole new way, dealing with homework, teachers, and kids my age on a daily basis.
Needless to say, it was hard. It was difficult. It was heartbreaking and left me feeling so worn. At times, I felt lonely and it took all my strength to get out of bed each morning and plaster a smile on my face. It was so hard to just keep going through the motions, pretending that I was ok with everything, when I totally wasn't. And then add the whole "surprise-we-might-be-moving-to-Toledo!" drama.
But God was at work through all that. On my last day of school before we moved, many people shared stories of how I touched their lives. The story that touched me the most was an email that one girl sent me. She told me how much my openness about my faith encouraged her to be open about her faith. She told me that I encouraged her to have a stronger faith in Jesus.
Of course, I believe it wasn't just me who encouraged her. I believe God used me to encourage her. But this story really struck me because I probably spoke to this girl five times, at most. And our conversations were never at great length, but consisted of a "hey" in the hallways. This stuck me so much though because so many times this year, I have cried out to God in desperation. I have begged Him to show me the purpose of what I was going through. So, although I thought that I was pointlessly at school, "suffering," I was not at all. People were touching me, I was touching them, and God was strengthening my own faith and trust in Him.
Number Three: I am not in control. God is, and His plans are so much greater than mine. God so knows what He is doing. My mom told me once this year that God never allows us to go through anything that we can't handle. I truly believe this. I believe that everything we go through, we go through for a reason. Whether it is a bad year at school, a broken friendship, a death, or a rejection by a publisher, there is a reason. We are growing stronger and learning so much about ourselves.
So what is the sum of my ramblings? I know this isn't really a religious-y blog, if you will, but I really want to share this with you, dear readers. I don't write these things to make you feel bad for me or to pat myself on the back. I simply hope that perhaps my "ramblings" will touch you, with whatever you are going through in life.
Remember: life is unexpected and one usually doesn't know what will happen next, more is usually going on with life than meets the eye, we are not in control. May God bless you, my wonderful blog readers. You all mean more to me than you will ever know. Thank you for giving me the chance to express myself to you=)