Pre-NaNo Update

I am excited for NaNoWriMo. 

I'm sort of dreading it, I'm really overwhelmed by it, and it's definitely scaring me. But with all of that, I'm incredibly excited. 

October has been a veeeeeeeery slow writing month for me, which has been frustrating. Last month was extremely productive, and I suppose I just assumed that the productivity would carry over into this month. Unfortunately, that was not the case. I don't know that I've even written five chapters of my WIP this month. My goal of finishing before NaNo is utterly impossible at this point, but that's okay.

I've been learning lately that it's good to set goals. That it's important to work your butt off to achieve those goals. But perhaps it is necessary also to be okay when we do not reach those goals. It's okay to let our goals morph into other goals when they become unrealistic. And the most important of all is not to beat ourselves up over it, because that will get us nowhere. I'm finding that we can let the disappointment of not reaching a goal fuel the excitement of meeting the next goal. 

Additionally, I've been praying a lot that God would help me be productive. It's taken me seventeen and a half years to realize that I can't do it on my own. 

Seventeen and a half. I'll be seventeen and a half, officially, on October 24. How odd is that. On October 25, I'll be closer to my eighteenth birthday than to my seventeenth birthday. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Speaking of growing up things, many of you know that I applied to NET ministries. Last week, I got a phone call telling me that I'm invited to come to an interview weekend! It's a good thing I wasn't able to answer the phone and had to listen to the message, because my reaction may have got me uninvited....blubbering and screaming and the like. That will be in February, so please keep me in your prayers! 

Also, this is weird, but my brother Dominic and I have become obsessed with this local classical radio station. Right now, they're having a fundraiser thing, and we literally have it on all the time. The deejays have the most relaxing, almost hypnotic voices. They play the strangest array of music, not just classical...there is some electronic and...I honestly don't even know the other genres. A lot of it is really different and I've never even heard it before. I listen to classical music occasionally and greatly appreciate it, but don't typically chose to listen to it on my own, so I have no idea why I love it. I'm honestly so confused by why I'm so addicted to it.

That was probably the most irrelevant paragraph I've ever written (which is saying something), but I really felt that need to confess all that so y'all better just suck it up, buttercup. Irrelevancy is my thing. That is such a fun word. Say it. Irrelevancy. 

Back to NaNo. My outlines are ready, my pencils are sharp, and I've found a stellar pen. Not that the writing utensils matter so much, as I type out my books. But it's comforting to know, if I should need them, they're right near by. I rounded up a couple of writer friends to participate in a NaNo support group, and I'm really really really pumped about the ladies I'll be working with. I'll keep y'all posted on how the group goes.  

What have you guys been up to? How are my Wrimos feeling pre-November? 

Busy, busy, BUSY!

It's been a while since I have written about writing! Perhaps my subconscious is still recovering from my writing themed A-Z Challenge. Let me let you in on what I have been up to.

My main project has been drafting TBN (which, obviously, still has yet to be named). I started September with the goal of finishing by the end of the month...not quite sure if that is going to happen. The month has been so hectic. I worked twenty-six hours last week, plus add school, other volunteering obligations, and family stuff...it's been insane. There have been a few mornings where I have woken up an hour or two early because the day was so full. 

But! The good news is, I'm just over half way done, so I have made quite a bit of progress. I have been enjoying this draft more than any other I've ever written. I've been told a million times to be okay with your first draft being crap, but I've never been able to actually believe it. For some reason, it's finally stuck this time around. 

I have been able to completely accept my draft as it is and plow forward, just putting words on paper. I'm not judging my writing, which is huge for me. I know that I can write better but also that my draft is how it needs to be for now. It's okay, and it will get better.

Life is super beautiful when we learn to let go, let God, and accept ourselves, completely and totally, flaws and all.

By the way, thank you so much to all of you who commented kindly on the poem I posted a few weeks ago! I was blown away by your sweetness.

I have been cranking out more poetry, slowly but surely. I really wish that I could put music to it and write songs, but alas, I'm not that talented. I'm pretty excited about this poem I've been working on, based on Song of Songs and the Gospels. Perhaps I'll post it when it's ready?

I just wrote two essays last night for my NET application (just one to go!), which launched me into a very reflective mood that I have yet to break out of. The topics were my faith story and how my relationship with God has changed me. They were actually surprisingly hard to write! But the Holy Spirit took care of me and they're thankfully done. The last one I have to write is on two ways I can improve in the way I relate to people which will be very short because I'm perfect. Joking. I should probably start writing now because I might not be done by the time I graduate...

I've been pondering doing NaNo this year. Because, you know, I will have just finished a draft in need of major edits and am working an average of 15 hours a week...oh, and plus, I have to put together a youth rally/retreat for my dad's ministry. Oh! And school, essays and reading! Plus college visits! So why not do NaNo?!?!?! My crazy is showing. 

There was only one year I was able to complete NaNo and it was absolutely awesome...and a long time ago. It's been five years since then, and I think it would be a great addition to my senior year. Also, I'm not sure when I'll be able to do it again. And I do have a story that I'm just itching to write...

Who else is doing NaNo? I was thinking about starting a teen NaNo support group via email. If you're interested, please leave your email in the comments below! Or shoot me an email: 11anniem@gmail.com.

What have you all been up to? Have a fabulous remainder of the week!

Farewell, Summer...Thou Hast Been Cruely Ripped From Me By The Evil School Year.

Welllll, that was a bit dramatic.

Yesterday was my last first day of high school, thus ending my last summer while I'm in high school.

I feel like I'm nearing a cliff, unable to see what's below. But my pace is becoming so rapid that I can't stop...and even if I could, the speed and the mystery and the excitement is exhilarating, despite the occasional explosion of butterflies caused by a bump in the road. I'm so close to this end, and yet so far...and when I reach it, what next? Will I fall, or will I fly? Will I want to go see what's below or take to the sky?

Anyway. Before I get carried away with thoughts of the end of this year, here's a bit about this past summer.

I grew in my relationship with Jesus. He continues to fill me with wonder and draw me into a beautiful, passionate relationship with Him. It's really hard to be a Christian today and not get discouraged by the world and despair, but choosing to live in His hope and His love is always worth it. I also grew in my relationship with His mom, Mary. I know that a lot of other Christians believe that Catholics worship Mary, but we don't. Jesus entrusted her to His apostle John (and in doing so, to us) and entrusted St. John (and us) to Mary when He was dying on the cross. Mary leads me closer to Jesus...kind of like how if I want my dad to do something, I'll ask my mom first so that she can help petition him. Anyway, this summer I consecrated myself to Mary. Basically, I went through a retreat sort of thing in order to entrust myself into her care. It was really awesome and definitely helped my spirituality.

I met amazing men of Christ. At summer camp, I was awed by the incredible guys I met that are so desperately in love with Jesus it brought tears to my eyes. They really strengthened my resolve to keep my expectations high and hold men accountable. Also, they helped me to trust God that He has someone for me who will lead me closer to Him.

I met amazing women of Christ. Also at summer camp...they inspired me to trust more in Jesus and abandon myself completely to Him. They inspired me to let only Him define me. They showed me that it's not a one time thing, but an every day process and decision that's difficult but so, so worth it.

I lost a friend over my beliefs. That hurt. Unfortunately, though, it's life. We are called to share our beliefs with love. Sometimes, even when we're loving, hate is the response that we get. I struggle at times to still be loving even after that...but God always provides the grace necessary to fulfill everything He asks of us.

I set aside my fear and confronted someone who needed to be confronted. This was really tough. Like up all night before and sick to my stomach tough. But again, God always provides the grace necessary to fulfill everything He asks of us, and I truly believed that He wanted me to do this...so even in my fear, I talked to someone who had really hurt me. It didn't solve everything and things didn't necessarily get better, but I walked away from the meeting with a new found peace and closure.

I realized that a lot of people are fake. As negative as that may sound, I feel like it's a reality that everyone has to experience and discover in life. I also realized that I can't be the only person in a relationship to be making effort.

I unexpectedly gained a new best friend. A family friend came and lived with us this summer to do some interning for our nonprofit...despite living down the street from me when I lived in PA, Anna and I were never really close. However, this summer, we shared so much...from shopping and ice-cream and making dinner together, to deep late night talks featuring lots of laughing and tears. It was seriously incredible, I'm so blessed by her and miss her so much!

I spent lots of time with my cousin. If you've been following my blog for any amount of time, you know that I'm super close with my cousin, Alex. We spent every day together in the summer when I lived in PA, so living four hours away from her is really difficult. Anyway, I was so blessed to be able to spend collectively about three weeks with her. We did a lot of fun stuff: put putting, shopping, swimming, typical girly summer stuff that was 100x better because it was with her.

I did a lot for Mass Impact, the ministry my family runs. I worked the table at our local Christian music festival and got to talk to a lot of amazing people. We also had a pretty big festival that we put a loooooot of work into. That took up most of the summer...but it was cool to serve so many families and help them grow closer to each other and to Jesus!

I'm feeling increasingly validated to do NET. I've talked about NET before, but for new readers-- NET (National Evangelization Team) is a ministry that trains and sends teams of young adults all over the country to do retreats for high school and middle school students. I'm in the process of applying for next year (2015-2016). I've definitely had some doubts as to whether this is what God really wants me to do...it's hard to give up a year of my life! Especially since I'm excited to go to college. This summer, though, God made it increasingly clear through other people's support and different events that that is where He wants me to be.

So there you have it, folks. It was an insane summer, and I'm looking forward to this school year God taught me so much this summer and blessed me in so many ways...cannot wait to see where He takes me this year.

How was your summer?

Back Again....

So here I am...back again. Pleased?

I have had an incredibly interesting summer. Not good or bad...but interesting, chalk full of good moments as well as bad ones, but neither overpowering the other so much as to give the entire summer a label of "best" or "worst". We're just going to have to settle with interesting.

If you've been a regular reader of AM Station, you know that I had major writing aspirations for the summer. I would like to take a moment to say that all of none of them were accomplished. As you know, I've neglected my blog (even going so far as to consider never blogging again...I know, the HORROR). I haven't worked on a single WIP and I certainly haven't even opened AWAKEN to continue edits. I haven't scribbled a single poem and have scarcely made time to journal.

So many reasons, so many excuses, so many thoughts...where do I even begin?

CYSC (the camp I attended in June) really threw a curve-ball at my life as far as my schedule was concerned. It was an amazing experience and I'm still pondering how it has impacted me. However, taking a whole week break from writing when I'd written nearly every day for this past year was really rough. And then coming home to spending two weeks with my cousins (another amazing thing of this summer) also messed with my goals for the summer.

Add to all that my job, getting ready for a huge festival my dad's nonprofit put on this past weekend, as well as typical summer, family, every day life sorts of things...even when I did have the time to write, it was hard to find the energy.

Shout out to all your writer mamas out there. I don't know how you do it.

Anyway...even deeper than that, however, was the nagging feeling that I'm going to have to take a whole year off of writing. At least, not in the way I've been used to. I'm going to be applying for NET Ministries for the school year of 2016-2017 and basically what NET (National Evangelization Team) is is teams of young adults who go around the country and give retreats to middle and high schoolers. I'm really excited and feel like this is where God is leading me...but nonetheless somewhat fearful of all that I'll have to let go of to fully dive into the year. I'm not exactly going to have the time and energy for the next great American novel, unfortunately.

Knowing that I'm going to have to take that break is really killing me. I'm just so confused as to why God has given me the talent of writing when He keeps asking me to give it up in different ways. But yet I know that He doesn't want me to stop writing...I just need to figure out what He wants me to do with my writing.

So, friends, here we are at the end of another long, reflective, perhaps too-deep blog post. I do want to apologize to all to whom I promised interviews and blog tours and such. Another reason why I slipped away from the blogging world is I definitely over-committed. Anyway, I've missed you all desperately and hope that you're all doing well. I'm trying to figure out a healthy balance between my blogging/blog visiting/writing WIPS/etc. as summer starts to end and I look to beginning my senior year. I really feel like I'm in great need of some writer support as I "get back in the game".

Also...I just realized that tomorrow officially marks three years since I created this blog. Wow. Insane how fast time flies. So much has happened!

Looking forward to hearing from you all about what you've been up to and hopefully "visiting" some of you soon! Thanks for reading, as always, and sticking with me.