Partial Letting Go

Sometimes, things go wrong. Specifically, sometimes things get destroyed.

And it hurts.

I'm a planner, and I like to plan everything down to the last detail. I'm a control freak, I like to be in control of my emotions and feelings (or at least, I try to be. Whether or not I succeed is a whole different blog post). I like to be in control of situations, of knowing exactly what to expect. I try to plan things I don't have control over.

I used to be a lot worse. Thankfully, God's grace is leading me to surrender my plans and my need to be in control...but, oh man, did I used to be bad.

I used to do this thing I like to call Partial Letting Go. Okay, let's be honest--I still do it sometimes. I'm very good at it, so sit tight while I explain.

Partial Letting Go is when your mom offers you the last cookie. You really (I mean really) want it but you feel like she might want it too so you say "No, that's okay you can have it". However, your words aren't matching your mental attitude--nor the lust in your eyes as you gaze at the beautiful creation. Not your mom, that would be weird--the cookie.

You gave up the cookie. But just because you want your mom to give it right back up to you.

I'm SO SO SO SO SO guilty of this when it comes to God and life.

Let's face it--somethings just don't work out and nor are they meant to. Some people are meant to be in our lives for a season. And that is okay, it's a part of life. That doesn't mean it hurts less, however, when friendships (or any-other-ships) end.

Sometimes, things go wrong. Sometimes, we can't fix them.

When I finally come to realize this, it's like hitting a brick wall. I come to see that wow, I really am not in control. I didn't plan for this. Then, I'm forced to just surrender-- God, here, have this situation. Which, in reality, I should have been doing throughout the whole of the situation...but, again, different blog post.

Anyway, this is where the Partial Letting Go comes in. I give [insert person, place, or thing] to God...but expect Him to give [person, place, or thing] back. AH! Did you catch that? I expect Him to give it back. Because, for some reason, the planner and control freak that I am thinks that she knows more than the Creator of the Universe.

And then, of course, I become upset when I don't get it back. Sometimes I do...but usually I don't. I get angry at God, saying I gave this to you, I did what I was supposed to do, why isn't this working out?! Why am I still crying?! Why am I hurt?!

Perhaps...my eyes are quite different from His.

Perhaps...I don't see the full picture.

Perhaps...I'm not in control. But perhaps He is.

Perhaps...I'm stuck in the moment.

Perhaps...He's trying to teach me something.

Perhaps all of these are true. Actually, I know all of these are true, but it's really hard to see that in the moment.

It's okay to want it back, when we let it go. But with our want must come an even deeper abiding trust that God knows what is best for us. Not only does He know, He desperately wants what is best for us. And not only that...but He will go as far as He needs to do what is best for us.

He knows. He knows the pain...He cries with you, He holds you. Just surrender....and not just partially, but completely. Praying for you.

Relationships

Welcome back, folks, for more sass and sarcasm, and, hopefully, a little substance.

For the letter R, we're talking Relationships. More specifically, fictional relationships. Brace yourselves, because this might turn into a rant.

I hate hate hate HATE most fictional relationships. I think that they are so non realistic. Just because the characters aren't real doesn't mean the relationships have to be fake. 

Literally this is about every YA romance (okay, not every, but the majority) summed up in a paragraph: Boy runs into girl. Exchanges glance. Something happens to them that makes them somewhat close. Then they either a) start "making out" or b) start dating. Am I right or am I right?

I should probably clarify. This does happen and it is real. People meet and starting dating a week, two weeks later. But that doesn't lead to a forever type of relationship.

So the thing with that kind of relationship though, is it's not going to last very long. If it does, it's not going to be a healthy relationship. Most likely, it will be centered on emotion and being physical (which could be anything from kissing to having sex). The emotion and physical pleasure is fleeting and is not what keeps a relationship together.

There are not positive outcomes to these relationships. Most books make it seem like meet, sparks fly, have sex, boom, forever. It doesn't work that way. The truth is, that that sort of relationship isn't going to last. It will fade. Not only that, but both people in the relationship will be left with a lot of hurt. Neither sex nor kissing nor intense emotions will keep a relationship going. And if sex is being had outside of marriage, the relationship is most likely going to go down hill, as that's not a good thing either emotionally or physically.

A strong relationship is one that is built on a strong friendship.

Friendship first is so underrated, both in real life and in the writing world when it comes to being friends first. When I come to a point in my life when I'm ready to date, I want to date my best friend. No, not just want--I refuse to date anyone who is less than my best friend. If I settle for anything less than that, what will the basis of the relationship be? Not a strong one, that's for sure. If I can't make a friendship strong, how will I ever be able to make a relationship strong? Relationships (and friendships) require work, they require insistence death to self and self-sacrifice. 

So, my challenge to you, writers, is to examine your fictional relationships. Are they realistic? If they are intended to last forever, then what is the base?

One of my favorite books that is an AWESOME example of a healthy relationship is This Is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith. So amazing. Another great example is that of Harry and Ginny in Harry Potter. They were friends for YEARS before they started going out and their relationships was totally based on friendship and respect of each other. Ahhh. Just love it so much.