Best Friends

So excited to be doing the A to Z Challenge for the second year in a row! I will be posting each day (besides Sunday) this month. I'll be posting things I've learned throughout high school.

**I know, I know-- I'm a day behind. A thousand apologies. It's been an insane weekend. BUT, never fear, tomorrow will be the combination of letters C and D-- tune in to get my thoughts on CRUSHES AND DATING!**

One of the first things I noticed at my new school sophomore year was that everyone had a best friend. At least, seemingly. It was prevalent at my previous school as well, but, hey, that was freshman year. People were still trying to figure out who they were and wanted to be and wanted to be with. You're supposed to have all that figured out by sophomore year, don't you know. 

Best friends. Tenth grade, it seemed to be defined as someone with whom your name was synonymous with. "Oh, Annie? You mean Katie's best friend?" A best friend was someone who proved that someone actually did like you, someone who prevented you from being completely alone. Someone who always said the right thing and made everything better. Someone who stuck up for you and yelled at the bad guys.

I have had so many "best friends" throughout high school, lasting from two weeks to two years. Variance was easy and commitment was difficult-- y'all, I have been enrolled in a total of three high schools. 

Here's the thing about all of those best friends. None of them has lasted, at least in the best friend sense. And here's the other thing. They've all let me down. No doubt that I've let them down as well.

"WHAT?! But then they weren't true best friends, am I right? Because real best friends last forever."

Okay, y'all better hold onto your Easter bonnets (everyone wears Easter bonnets on Monday mornings, correct?) because I'm about to share a shocking revelation that I had late last year.

A "best friend" (at least, how the world views it) is a completely fictional idea that, much like thigh gaps, is totally unattainable.

I don't have any best friends this year. Which is funny, because the friends that I do have? I am closer to than I've ever been with anyone. Maybe you could say, yeah, well, doesn't matter what you actually call it, they're still you're best friends. And maybe that's true. But I feel like I have a whole different mindset.

Previously, I have seen best friends as a self-serving kind of thing. I want them to fill me, to heal me, to always be there, to always say the right thing, to stick up for me. I have had many beautiful best friends...and no one has ever done all of these things. 

But aren't those kind of unreasonable expectations? Basing all of your happiness on a flawed human being? With this mindset, best friends have the tendency to come between myself and myself as well as myself and God.

The other thing about proclaiming a certain person as a "best friend" is that it excludes all other people. When I hear people talk about their best friend, a part of me is always like "well, you don't need me". I feel like when we put one person up on a pedestal and give her the duties of basically Being Perfect and exclude all other females from this title, it has the danger of preventing us from being good friends with other people. 

I have known people who I thought I was decently close with and they would continually bring up their best friends. Maybe I'm just sensitive, but it kind of made me feel inferior.  

Our definition of "best friend" has been tainted by media, in my opinion, just like a whole lot of other things. We see the best friendships in movies, books, and even music. We see on social media, as well, the seemingly perfect best friendships of people we know. 

I have found in these last months that removing the term "best friend" from my vocabulary has been pretty impact. It has removed the temptation to use someone emotionally to make me feel better and fix my problems. It allows the people in my life to just be people and allows me to love them more deeply. 

To the person who doesn't have a best friend: there is NOTHING wrong with you. Really, I promise. Unless you smell bad. Then take a shower and you'll be fine. But in all seriousness, having a person to call "best friend" doesn't make you more or less of  a person. A best friend won't ultimately fix you or make everything better or satisfy you. You don't need fixing, friend. Only God can satisfy you. You are beautiful, treasured, sacred, and His. 

Prayers always.

An old friend and a new blog!

#modelstatus

About a month (or less) after I moved two years ago, I attended a Steubenville Youth Conference with my new parish.

I remember walking with this girl named Anna and two or three other girls and having a lively conversation about the Harry Potter series. About two minutes into the conversation, I discovered that Anna also had a great appreciation (if not infatuation) of the character of Severus Snape.

SAY NO MORE. LET'S BE FRIENDS.

We continued to gush over the incredible writing skills of J.K. Rowling and her character development. Soon, we were walking behind the rest of our "posse" and delving deep into the Theological themes of Harry Potter. This girl was seriously hard-core best friend material.

I was sure that it couldn't get any better than that. We both cared deeply about our faith and our personal relationships with Jesus Christ and loved Harry Potter. That's basically what I look for in my friends.

She loves me! Even though I'm weird!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

After barely scratching the surface with this Harry Potter stuff, I found out that Anna also loved writing. LIKE WHAT HOW PERFECT CAN YOU BE!?

Two years later...I sit writing this post while texting this absolutely amazing young woman. She inspires me in so many ways. She has such a beautiful heart and loves deeply and really lives life to the fullest. She is one of the most understanding people ever and is just so much fun to be with!

Me trying not to laugh and looking constipated.
And no one will ever be as cool as Anna in this picture.

Our friendship is truly a gift. I absolutely love how we can both relate on writing stuff, because that is so important to both of us. My other friends try to be sympathetic when it comes to my writing issues (writer's block, having to kill characters, the works), but let's be honest: we writers often come off sounding quite insane. I'm so blessed to have someone who GETS IT. The nights spent writing, finishing a draft, getting positive feedback from a beta, everything. Anna has been so supportive of every single aspect of my writing journey and I love being a part of hers.

This girl is literally one of my favorite people ever. Check out her absolutely INCREDIBLE writing talent here at her brand new blog, WONDERFUL JOY. Make sure to leave some comment love!

ALSO, check back on April 1st for the first post of the A-Z Challenge! I'll be reflecting on the word "author" and what it means to me. Furthermore, stick around for Anna's guest blog here on AM Station on April 14th!

Me and my beautiful best friend <3

Complete and Utter Nonsense

That title should be the name of this blog. Sheesh.

So I finished AWAKEN last month. As in, the draft. Finally. Nearly two years after the idea was born and seven versions later, I finally have a working draft. But there is still so much to do. (One of the excuses of not blogging so much this past semester-- my MS is so time-demanding and consuming and my characters get so jealous whenever I work on anything else. I can practically feel their glares now. Settle down, Cassandra. I'll be back.)

Since finishing in the beginning of January, I have literally experienced the biggest case of writer's block I have ever had the misfortune to have. I cannot get myself to work on anything. The only writing I have done in the past month is journaling, basically. (Oh! I got the cutest journal as my YAY I FINISHED A BOOK present to myself!)

I've started multiple blog posts and deemed them all "trash", but a couple of very supportive (probably too much so) friends keep bugging me to write a post (because that's what writer's do, right, they write). So if the following post is complete and utter nonsense, blame them.

Random things happening!

I'm hosting a St. Valentine's Pathetic-Not-Pathetic Single Girls Pride and Prejudice and Food party! Because single girls are not pathetic, but every girl turns pretty pathetic as soon as Colin Firth makes an appearance on-screen. And food makes us pretty pathetic too.

I finally got around to reading Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. It's one of the books that was on my shelf labeled Everybody Keeps Telling Me To Read This And I'm Seeing It Everywhere But It's Not Time To Read It Yet. It was extremely good-- definitely held up to the hype. PLUS I found out that Ransom is married to Tahereh Mafi, author of the Shatter Me books. That kinda made my day. #RelationshipGoals

My sister Catie and yours truly

We went to the March for Life last month! As always, it was absolutely inspiring and totally moving. Life is so beautiful, pass it on! We went to the Life Is Very Good Rally, which featured Matt Maher and Rend Collective as well as speaker Chris Stefanick. Perhaps just as incredible as the March itself was visiting the St. John Paul II Shrine. It was so amazing, I think I'm going to have to write a whole slew of blog posts about it. That should help break my writer's block. But seriously, the whole experience in DC, especially the shrine, moved me to tears.

I was sick this past week and my best friend brought me Klondike bars because she's just amazing.

My deep avarice toward math has not changed, but only increased. It's at an all time high right now. I am finding it hard to see the reason why Algebra II matters when I want to work in the journalism field. The only letters I want to work with are the ones I can use to actually write something, thank you very much.

And speaking of journalism, I had been planning forever (as in, since freshman year--seems like forever ago) on majoring in Theology. Well, plans change! I think I'm being called to Liberal Arts. There is such a need for good, strong journalists dedicated to the truth. My top college pick right now is the University of Mary in North Dakota, but who knows, that could change too.

I started this blog the summer before my freshman year. I was on the brink of a roller-coaster, so much was about to happen (another slew of blog posts right there). Being in the second part of my junior year, high school is almost over. Funny, it seemed so infinite when it started. Now, I'm being thrown into the realm of college applications and student loans.

Sometimes, it seems kind of scary. Okay, lie, it is a lot scary. Going away from home? Being all by myself? Sure, I could stay closer, but I feel like this is something I really need to do. Fear that I won't be able to pay for college, that I will fail in some way (or a lot of ways) sometimes nearly paralyzes me.

But I believe that what God calls me to, He provides for. That if He wants me to go somewhere, He will carry me. And that truth dispels every single worry that I have about the future. I know that I am safe in His arms. He's kept me afloat this long. I believe that He will never fail me.

Thanks for putting up with my random, sporadic posts, guys. I really, really appreciate y'all. And look, my writer's block has dissipated! You guys are the best.