Where are you, God?
I have been feeling so heavy lately.
I look at the world. How horrific is this world. I look at the world, and I shake with fear. Killings, persecution, hate, abuse...it's all so, so prevalent. And it seems to be getting worse. I see leaders not being leaders. People missing opportunity after opportunity to lead souls closer to Jesus.
I look at my own life. Situations worsening, friends making terrible decisions, people I love enduring so much hurt.
Where are you, God?
I have caught myself clinging to despair so often of late. As I look around, I see that I am surrounded by people in bad relationships, divorce, drugs, abuse. Even worse than that, I see so many family, friends, and people in general unaware of who they are in Christ. People who just keep filling their lives with things and people and just growing emptier and emptier. People who do not know that they need Jesus Christ.
And I've been there...before I realized how much I needed Jesus, my life was a mess. But the thing is, I hid it pretty well (for a while). I wore a mask, acting okay, like I had it all together. However, on the inside...complete chaos. I ran from Jesus.
I look into the eyes of those living without the awareness of the need for Him and I see myself. I see emptiness, loneliness, and pain.
Where are you, God?
Sometimes, I blame myself. If I would have done more...I should have...why didn't I...
It's like I had control at one point, and now I blew it, it's all my fault. I've let God and everyone down and now no one is going to be saved.
When nothing I do (prayers or actions) seems to be making a difference, I want to crawl up in a ball and hide until kingdom come. Nothing I do matters anyway. I can't change anyone.
Despair. It's dark. Cold. Frightening.
And it is a LIE.
At the beginning of high school, a priest told me to "hope always". This came in response to me expressing despair over the fact that really nobody in my life really seemed to be taking Jesus seriously.
And that's the cure. The light that will extinguish the darkness of the lie.
Hope always.
Where are you, God?
God has been teaching me this...so gently and lovingly, but also with firmness and power:
Never believe that where something is lacking, He is not supplying. Not only is He supplying, but He is pouring out in super abundance, so that all involved might be satisfied. Are you feeling tired, heavy? He wants to share your burden. He wants His grace to overflow through you and He will use you to make His glory known to all.
Just think-- God plans to use you and whatever you are going through to bring forth His glory.
Things may seem out of control. It's so hard when we see people we love making bad choices...we feel helpless and weak. And we blame ourselves.
Like I said before, there are times when I feel like I've let God down. But guess what?
IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO EVER, EVER LET GOD DOWN.
You know why? Because you are not the one holding Him up. He does not depend on you. You are His child, He is your parent. Thankfully, the world doesn't begin and end with us. We are not the world's means of salvation.
So, if you are beating yourself up over past mistakes, please don't. Give them to God. He wants to take them and He can make them beautiful and He will make you new.
As I look around, my heart is so broken as I see depression and fear prevailing in people's lives...but I know that it is not the end. Jesus is alive, He conquered DEATH! Friends, let that truth sink in. If God beat death, what else is there left to beat? What do we have to fear?
Lastly, it is so beautiful to be moved by the sufferings of others. It means that God is giving us the smallest taste of what He feels all the time...a longing for His children to be whole, to be one with Him. Praise God for allowing us to be close to Him by sharing His heart.
Hope always. Our God is not a distant one. He is working within your heart, within the lives of all you know. He is here, right now. He longs to fill your life with peace.
We don't have to have it all figured out. Surrender more deeply to God each day...it's a life long ride. Trust wholeheartedly that God desires to heal what has been broken.
God is always working. He is using you. You matter, your prayers have power. The Power of the Resurrection lives in you!! I encourage you to think about God's faithfulness...look at your life and see all of the gifts, all of the answered prayers, all of His workings.
"It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name He may give you." -John 15:16
Hope always.
I'm praying for you.
