Monday, April 4, 2016

Best Friends

So excited to be doing the A to Z Challenge for the second year in a row! I will be posting each day (besides Sunday) this month. I'll be posting things I've learned throughout high school.

**I know, I know-- I'm a day behind. A thousand apologies. It's been an insane weekend. BUT, never fear, tomorrow will be the combination of letters C and D-- tune in to get my thoughts on CRUSHES AND DATING!**


One of the first things I noticed at my new school sophomore year was that everyone had a best friend. At least, seemingly. It was prevalent at my previous school as well, but, hey, that was freshman year. People were still trying to figure out who they were and wanted to be and wanted to be with. You're supposed to have all that figured out by sophomore year, don't you know. 

Best friends. Tenth grade, it seemed to be defined as someone with whom your name was synonymous with. "Oh, Annie? You mean Katie's best friend?" A best friend was someone who proved that someone actually did like you, someone who prevented you from being completely alone. Someone who always said the right thing and made everything better. Someone who stuck up for you and yelled at the bad guys.

I have had so many "best friends" throughout high school, lasting from two weeks to two years. Variance was easy and commitment was difficult-- y'all, I have been enrolled in a total of three high schools. 

Here's the thing about all of those best friends. None of them has lasted, at least in the best friend sense. And here's the other thing. They've all let me down. No doubt that I've let them down as well.

"WHAT?! But then they weren't true best friends, am I right? Because real best friends last forever."

Okay, y'all better hold onto your Easter bonnets (everyone wears Easter bonnets on Monday mornings, correct?) because I'm about to share a shocking revelation that I had late last year.

A "best friend" (at least, how the world views it) is a completely fictional idea that, much like thigh gaps, is totally unattainable.

I don't have any best friends this year. Which is funny, because the friends that I do have? I am closer to than I've ever been with anyone. Maybe you could say, yeah, well, doesn't matter what you actually call it, they're still you're best friends. And maybe that's true. But I feel like I have a whole different mindset.

Previously, I have seen best friends as a self-serving kind of thing. I want them to fill me, to heal me, to always be there, to always say the right thing, to stick up for me. I have had many beautiful best friends...and no one has ever done all of these things. 

But aren't those kind of unreasonable expectations? Basing all of your happiness on a flawed human being? With this mindset, best friends have the tendency to come between myself and myself as well as myself and God.

The other thing about proclaiming a certain person as a "best friend" is that it excludes all other people. When I hear people talk about their best friend, a part of me is always like "well, you don't need me". I feel like when we put one person up on a pedestal and give her the duties of basically Being Perfect and exclude all other females from this title, it has the danger of preventing us from being good friends with other people. 

I have known people who I thought I was decently close with and they would continually bring up their best friends. Maybe I'm just sensitive, but it kind of made me feel inferior.  

Our definition of "best friend" has been tainted by media, in my opinion, just like a whole lot of other things. We see the best friendships in movies, books, and even music. We see on social media, as well, the seemingly perfect best friendships of people we know. 

I have found in these last months that removing the term "best friend" from my vocabulary has been pretty impact. It has removed the temptation to use someone emotionally to make me feel better and fix my problems. It allows the people in my life to just be people and allows me to love them more deeply. 

To the person who doesn't have a best friend: there is NOTHING wrong with you. Really, I promise. Unless you smell bad. Then take a shower and you'll be fine. But in all seriousness, having a person to call "best friend" doesn't make you more or less of  a person. A best friend won't ultimately fix you or make everything better or satisfy you. You don't need fixing, friend. Only God can satisfy you. You are beautiful, treasured, sacred, and His. 

Prayers always.

3 comments:

  1. This is an interesting perspective. I think it makes sense. I'm not sure that I've ever really considered anyone a "best friend" anyway.

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  2. I agree with this, especially them being like thigh gaps. SO true!

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  3. Yes! I can already tell this month of your posts every day is going to be good! ;) I really enjoy seeing little pieces of your experience and perspective. :)

    And I agree with you with you on this topic of best friends; it's refreshing to read. I've never really had a best friend, and I used to want one. But somewhere along the line, I guess my perspective changed, and now I think having a best friend is so often exclusive, not only to others outside, but as you mentioned, to yourself...

    I have found in these last months that removing the term "best friend" from my vocabulary has been pretty impact... It allows the people in my life to just be people and allows me to love them more deeply. I pray it's having this impact in my life too.

    So, yes - thanks for sharing, and please pardon another one of my long rambling comments. :) Blessings to you!

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