Yesterday, it looked like March. April, even.
Today, it's snowing.
Out of control flurries taunt the ground, about to fall and then flying away instead. The sky is spitting out huge white flakes so fast for a couple of seconds, letting up, and then hurling the majestic fluff towards the earth at an alarming speed once more.
Falling, falling, falling. And I can't stop it. I couldn't even begin to be able to control it. I wouldn't even be able to sort it, to protect the grass from its icy take over.
That's kind of how my life feels right now.
A million swirling emotions, like a tornado ripping out my heart. A million words, a million memories, a million reasons vying for my time and attention and tears. In all of this chaos...I am still. The pressure is coming at me from all sides that I suppose it just balances out.
Everything outside is so white. So cold. The snow covers everything, making us confused as to what is beneath.
My mind feels like that. Just a shocking, bright white. I can't grasp on to any one thing because there are too many. The cold numbs my heart and there's only one feeling I can clamp onto.
Today is a sad day.
And you know what? There is nothing wrong with sadness. For some reason, a lot of people have it in their minds that it's not okay to be anything but happy. But guess what? Jesus wept. (John 11:35)
It's okay to cry.
But what is not okay is to let sadness harden our hearts. Instead, sadness has the power to cleanse...to tenderize our hearts.
I need Jesus to enter into my sadness, just like every other emotion. In my sadness, just like everything else, He is with me. Not only is He with me, He cries with me. In my sadness, He stills me.
We have to entrust not only whatever is making us sad to God, but also the sadness itself. We have to turn to God to comfort us, because nothing else ultimately will.
Sometimes, things don't make sense. Actually, a lot of times things don't make sense (at least in my life). But in sadness, in happiness, whatever-- we have to trust that God has a plan. We have to trust that He allows everything for a reason.
It's okay to be out of control.
Honestly, that is how we are supposed to be. Out of control. We're out of control whether we realize it or not. Rather than this truth inciting fear, let's pray that it brings us to a deeper trust. We simply have to trust that not only does God have a will for our lives, but that it will be done.
The snow has stopped. It's actually extremely beautiful outside. How fast everything changes.
"You changed my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness." -Psalm 30:12
God is bigger than all emotion. He is eternal, everlasting, all powerful, and all loving. He will heal and He will restore. In sadness, joy can be found in His love and hope can be found in His plan.
Let us seek Him, in everything we feel, and everything we do, and everything that happens to us. He's got it. He's got us.