Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Partial Letting Go

Sometimes, things go wrong. Specifically, sometimes things get destroyed.

And it hurts.

I'm a planner, and I like to plan everything down to the last detail. I'm a control freak, I like to be in control of my emotions and feelings (or at least, I try to be. Whether or not I succeed is a whole different blog post). I like to be in control of situations, of knowing exactly what to expect. I try to plan things I don't have control over.

I used to be a lot worse. Thankfully, God's grace is leading me to surrender my plans and my need to be in control...but, oh man, did I used to be bad.

I used to do this thing I like to call Partial Letting Go. Okay, let's be honest--I still do it sometimes. I'm very good at it, so sit tight while I explain.

Partial Letting Go is when your mom offers you the last cookie. You really (I mean really) want it but you feel like she might want it too so you say "No, that's okay you can have it". However, your words aren't matching your mental attitude--nor the lust in your eyes as you gaze at the beautiful creation. Not your mom, that would be weird--the cookie.

You gave up the cookie. But just because you want your mom to give it right back up to you.

I'm SO SO SO SO SO guilty of this when it comes to God and life.

Let's face it--somethings just don't work out and nor are they meant to. Some people are meant to be in our lives for a season. And that is okay, it's a part of life. That doesn't mean it hurts less, however, when friendships (or any-other-ships) end.

Sometimes, things go wrong. Sometimes, we can't fix them.

When I finally come to realize this, it's like hitting a brick wall. I come to see that wow, I really am not in control. I didn't plan for this. Then, I'm forced to just surrender-- God, here, have this situation. Which, in reality, I should have been doing throughout the whole of the situation...but, again, different blog post.

Anyway, this is where the Partial Letting Go comes in. I give [insert person, place, or thing] to God...but expect Him to give [person, place, or thing] back. AH! Did you catch that? I expect Him to give it back. Because, for some reason, the planner and control freak that I am thinks that she knows more than the Creator of the Universe.

And then, of course, I become upset when I don't get it back. Sometimes I do...but usually I don't. I get angry at God, saying I gave this to you, I did what I was supposed to do, why isn't this working out?! Why am I still crying?! Why am I hurt?! eyes are quite different from His.

Perhaps...I don't see the full picture.

Perhaps...I'm not in control. But perhaps He is.

Perhaps...I'm stuck in the moment.

Perhaps...He's trying to teach me something.

Perhaps all of these are true. Actually, I know all of these are true, but it's really hard to see that in the moment.

It's okay to want it back, when we let it go. But with our want must come an even deeper abiding trust that God knows what is best for us. Not only does He know, He desperately wants what is best for us. And not only that...but He will go as far as He needs to do what is best for us.

He knows. He knows the pain...He cries with you, He holds you. Just surrender....and not just partially, but completely. Praying for you.


  1. I'm a planner and control freak too.

    I practice partial letting go too, but not many do. When I do this, not many do it back. It's a bummer for sure.

  2. I still struggle with the idea that I'm not fully in control. Although I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, I still hate the thought that I can't control the way everything will work out. When I get worked up about the future, I have to tell myself to stop, breathe, live in the moment, and trust it'll all work out in the end. Because usually, it does :)

  3. I'm a planner and try to think of every single worst case scenario that can come up, so I can claim some control--or had at least thought such-and-such might happen. That said, some things are much easier to let go than others. Although if I let go of food, particularly cookies, I really don't mean it and still want it, even though I say someone else can have it too.

  4. This is a really good post. I don't consider myself a control freak, and I know I'm definitely not a planner. But I do have a hard time letting go of things and people. And it's very true. They're not mine to begin with. I just have to trust God. Because He knows what He's doing and it's for the best.

  5. I plan things too, sometimes, but I'm not necessarily a control freak until someone bothers me from blogging or card making. XD I do relate with holding that guilt of giving something up and then possibly expecting it back; that actually happened with me and my dad last week.

    I cry sometimes because I do expect partially given things to return back to me sometimes, but they never do. We have to learn to let go and trust Him. This is a very important lesson to learn, indeed; I hope, that when I go onto my youth conference next week (I'm really excited; it's the biggest gathering of Catholic youth in the state and I love meeting people out of town!) that they teach us more about this, too, if possible. ^.^ Thank you for this.

    xoxo Morning

  6. I'm in the middle of the exact same lesson. I'm learning how to trust God fully. As many times as someone tells you or you tell yourself that God knows what's best and you just have to trust that he will give you what you need, it's still one of the hardest things in life to do.

    Sometimes in life we lose control of a situation. We are totally helpless. Except we're not, not really. Because God has control and if we take joy in the path He leads us down, then we have control too, in a sense.

    I think God is constantly trying to teach us things and/or test us on the things he has taught us. Right now, for me, it's patience and trust that I'm learning and being tested on.

    I'm a bit tired, so I hope I'm making sense. Anyway, you seem wise enough to get through it, and I shall say a prayer for you in any case.

  7. Learning to not want to be in control is an ongoing lesson for me as well. You seem to be working it out though :) I love your allegory with the cookie :)

  8. This post is exactly what I have gone through recently and still am. I hate that I'm such a detailed planner because it carries over into my relationship with God. Like yourself, things have gotten much better because of His grace.

    It's frustrating because I know you need to let go and I say those words but in all reality, my life does not always portray it. I love when you said your control freak thinks you know more than the Creator of the Universe. I never really thought about it this way but it couldn't be more true! Trying to take the control away from Him is basically saying that I know more and I know better.

    Thanks for being so open and sharing your life!

    1. That sentence is supposed to say, "I know I need to let go". Oops!

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