Holy Wedding Day

About a year ago, I wrote this reflection following receiving Jesus in the Eucharist about some God-inspired imaginings. I think that it's totally appropriate for these next couple of days:

I was still in darkness, but longing for light.

Exhausted, I took a step forward, towards a doorway. The invisible hand of darkness pushed me forward, whispering for me to go. I obeyed.

Suddenly, I was standing in the light.

About one hundred feet away stood a man, standing before an enormous gate. I caught a glimpse of Him before He saw me. He was pacing, wringing his hands. As though He was waiting.

“You see me.”

And then, His eyes met mine. Even though he was a distance away, I could feel the radiant glow of His face. I felt a burst of love like nothing I had ever felt in my life, and it consumed all of me. In that moment, I knew that that was for what I was made.

“You know me.”

He started running. And tears of joy started streaming down my face...He’s running. To me.

I started to run but then I looked down and realized I was wearing a magnificent, full skirted wedding dress, complete with high heels that didn’t exactly support the idea of running.

But I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to meet Him. So I kicked them off, hiked up the dress, and ran to Him.

As we drew closer, I saw bursts of memories from my life, both happy and sad. I looked into His eyes and knew that He was seeing them too.
“You love me through and through.”

I stopped a foot away from Him, but He didn’t stop. His face...the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen, words can’t describe it.

In one swift motion, he picked me up and cradled me in His arms.

He saw my sin, all the times I had messed up. But in His arms, it was gone.

He whispered, “I love you.”

And slowly, he walked back towards the gate, the biggest smile on His face. I felt so...at peace. I was able to love with every single part of me. And I knew that this was why I was made.

He walked through the gate and it closed behind us. I knew that it would never be opening for me again, but I did not feel trapped. This was where I was meant to be.

This was where He wanted me to be.

THIS is Jesus. Jesus is not the guy pointing fingers, screaming at us. He is the one who loves us UNCONDITIONALLY. He sees past every single hurt and RUNS to us.

Maybe His sacrifice makes you feel guilty. Maybe you don’t like the fact that you need to be saved, that someone sees you and loves you anyway. Maybe you think that His love isn’t for you, that you don’t deserve it. Maybe you think that you can’t surrender or you’ve tried and failed.

The reality is, how we feel about Jesus’s love has nothing to do with the truth of it. Regardless of if we “wanted” Him to or not, Jesus died for us. And He loves us so much that He will let us choose to whether or not to accept His love.

We have to be open to receiving this love, to letting it influence our lives. I know that it’s hard. Surrendering to Jesus is a lifelong process. Everyone fails, but we don't have to give up. His grace is sufficient.

Once we make it through that doorway and surrender, He’ll start running towards us and nothing can stop Him.

He wants you. That’s what matters. Not that you feel like you don’t deserve it. His sacrifice makes you worthy. This is our ultimate purpose, to love Him.

I think I what I was seeing was a picture me entering Heaven. But the image is still relevant on earth. We’re called to step out of sin here and now, and into the arms of Jesus.

Have you ever felt like nobody sees you, that you’re alone? He sees you. Not only that, He knows you. He’s not a distant God, but a God who is always with you. He’s cried with you, laughed with you. And He loves you. Every single part of you. He loves you enough to die, and rise again.

What is going to be your response to this radical love? Let’s pray to humble ourselves to accept this love and surrender. Ask for the grace to love him deeper. Ask without doubt, but with faith that Jesus will always come through.

THIS is what these days of Holy Week are about. Christ running to us. Jesus dying so that we might now Him...so that we might come to Him. 

He's coming to you, friend. He's with you. Surrender.

Praying for you.

(Take a listen to this song...very fitting with the theme of this post and this week:)