Today officially marks two years of me living in Ohio.
Talking about how fast time flies seems like such a cliche...but it's so, so true. Wasn't it just yesterday when I was researching houses with my mom? Actually, wasn't it just last week that I was in preschool?
So much has happened over the past two years. I've experienced so much, grown so much. Learned so much. Hurt a lot. Loved even more.
I've found myself, and found out that I really like who I am.
I've done crazy things in the past two years. I've stood up for myself, for other people. I've learned how to be courageous, how to not back down. I've learned that there is not a happy ending to every relationship. Some people are in my life for a season, and that's okay. Sometimes I make poor judgements, and that's okay. Usually people aren't who they seem. I've learned to give second chances, to both others and myself.
I've learned that sometimes, I'll have the words and be forced to be silent. There is a time for freaking out and a time for calming down, even when it goes against everything in me. I have learned the importance of being in control of my emotions. I've learned not to spew my feelings out all at once, to give relationships time to progress. I have learned that it is okay to trust. Sometimes, though, it is okay not to.
I have learned that not everyone will like me. And that's okay. I've learned that I'm made to be at peace with people. I've experienced the power of forgiveness. I've learned that I need to value the people in my life now, instead of wishing for the ones that used to be or are to be.
I've learned that sometimes, I just have to let go. Even when it hurts and feels like it's going to kill me, I have to walk away. I've learned that I don't owe everyone (and oftentimes, anyone) an explanation for my actions. I've learned that my mom is basically the smartest human being in the universe. I've discovered that there is no one who I trust more, or who I would rather be like.
I've learned that some people are just going to frustrate me. I can't fix them. I don't have control over them. All I can do is decide is what I am going to let them do to me and how I'm going to react.
I've experienced God being in control. I've experienced me being out of control.
I have learned that change is normal and the only infinite person is God, and so I am learning to cling to Him.
One of my favorite worship songs is Oceans by Hillsong. If you're into Christian music at all, you've probably heard it. The whole song is so powerful, but this is my favorite line:
"You called me out upon the waters/the great unknown/where feet may fail."
When I moved, I was launched into the great unknown.
The thing about following God is that it's SCARY. If anyone tells you anything different, they haven't read the bible. Look at what following God cost Jesus.
God has called me--messy, imperfect, small me--into the great unknown. Where feet may fail. But that's where He is. Following God is scary because it forces us to realize that we're not in control. The thing is, though, is that we're not in control whether we realize it or not.
Surrendering to God and knowing His will takes great faith. However, for what He calls us to, He'll always provide the grace sufficient for. It's hard to follow Him, but if I've learned anything this year, it is this.
Following God is always worth it.
It's worth the pain, the fear. The uncertainty.
Though there's all that, there's also the awareness that you are madly loved by the God of the universe who died for you. Wow. Mind blowing. It is literally impossible for us to understand the gravity of His infinite love.
Learn to listen to God, go where He's calling you. Even when it looks scary...He'll be holding you, every step of the way.
I know He's held me. And I have every confidence He'll continue to do so.