Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Two Years

Today is kind of a special day for me. So special that it bumped my review of BONE GAP to next Wednesday and the tag I was planning on doing next Monday.

Today officially marks two years of me living in Ohio. 

Talking about how fast time flies seems like such a cliche...but it's so, so true. Wasn't it just yesterday when I was researching houses with my mom? Actually, wasn't it just last week that I was in preschool?

So much has happened over the past two years. I've experienced so much, grown so much. Learned so much. Hurt a lot. Loved even more.

I've found myself, and found out that I really like who I am.  

I've done crazy things in the past two years. I've stood up for myself, for other people. I've learned how to be courageous, how to not back down. I've learned that there is not a happy ending to every relationship. Some people are in my life for a season, and that's okay. Sometimes I make poor judgements, and that's okay. Usually people aren't who they seem. I've learned to give second chances, to both others and myself.

I've learned that sometimes, I'll have the words and be forced to be silent. There is a time for freaking out and a time for calming down, even when it goes against everything in me. I have learned the importance of being in control of my emotions. I've learned not to spew my feelings out all at once, to give relationships time to progress. I have learned that it is okay to trust. Sometimes, though, it is okay not to.

I have learned that not everyone will like me. And that's okay. I've learned that I'm made to be at peace with people. I've experienced the power of forgiveness. I've learned that I need to value the people in my life now, instead of wishing for the ones that used to be or are to be.

I've learned that sometimes, I just have to let go. Even when it hurts and feels like it's going to kill me, I have to walk away. I've learned that I don't owe everyone (and oftentimes, anyone) an explanation for my actions. I've learned that my mom is basically the smartest human being in the universe. I've discovered that there is no one who I trust more, or who I would rather be like.

I've learned that some people are just going to frustrate me. I can't fix them. I don't have control over them. All I can do is decide is what I am going to let them do to me and how I'm going to react.

I've experienced God being in control. I've experienced me being out of control.

I have learned that change is normal and the only infinite person is God, and so I am learning to cling to Him.

One of my favorite worship songs is Oceans by Hillsong. If you're into Christian music at all, you've probably heard it. The whole song is so powerful, but this is my favorite line:

"You called me out upon the waters/the great unknown/where feet may fail."

When I moved, I was launched into the great unknown.

The thing about following God is that it's SCARY. If anyone tells you anything different, they haven't read the bible. Look at what following God cost Jesus.

God has called me--messy, imperfect, small me--into the great unknown. Where feet may fail. But that's where He is. Following God is scary because it forces us to realize that we're not in control. The thing is, though, is that we're not in control whether we realize it or not.

Surrendering to God and knowing His will takes great faith. However, for what He calls us to, He'll always provide the grace sufficient for. It's hard to follow Him, but if I've learned anything this year, it is this.

Following God is always worth it.

It's worth the pain, the fear. The uncertainty.

Though there's all that, there's also the awareness that you are madly loved by the God of the universe who died for you. Wow. Mind blowing. It is literally impossible for us to understand the gravity of His infinite love.

Learn to listen to God, go where He's calling you. Even when it looks scary...He'll be holding you, every step of the way. 

I know He's held me. And I have every confidence He'll continue to do so.


20 comments:

  1. Such a wonderful post! You have a wsidom it takes many decades to get...and plenty who never do. And you're so right about being a Christian. There is no promise of life being a cake walk, just the grace to get through it. I've been reading what is known about the lives of the Apostles- almost all of them were martyred in horrible, awful ways. Mark was dragged through the city behind a horse for two days. He survived the first day, so they let him rest over night and then dragged him again the next day. We're broken people in a broken world. I can't imagine surviving it without faith.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so, so much, Elizabeth! You are so sweet =) I love that, so true--about being broken in a broken world. What would we ever do with out faith? Thanks again.

      Delete
  2. Two years already? This is a wonderful, wisdom-filled post, Annie. Being a teenager is hard, but it's so much easier when you're able to keep everything in the proper perspective, as you've done. Filter everything through God's eyes...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, dear Faith! Exactly, it's always hard, but seeing with God's perspective makes it so much more bearable.

      Delete
  3. Good for you for standing up for yourself and for others. That really is courageous! :) These are all valuable lessons you learned. Happy two years in Ohio!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love Oceans. I am amazed at how mature you are. Awesome for you. I definitely have to learn to give myself second chances.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it a great song?! Only by the grace of God, my friend. It's a continual learning process...Thank you so much!

      Delete
  5. I think this may be my favorite blog post of yours (not that your other ones aren't great as well) Everything you said about having faith and trusting God, was exactly what I needed to hear today. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think the best thing about getting older is that we become comfortable with who we are and we spend less time letting others define us. It's SO much more fun that way!

    ReplyDelete
  7. getting comfortable in your own skin is one of the hardest things to learn, and it sounds like you're on your way. Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello. I'm John. You read my blog and said hi and I am saying hi back! And you said you would like to help me show everyone the cover for my book! I don't know when I will do it yet, but I will let you know. I wanted to say thank you though and I am excited you want to help!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Following God is definitely a leap of faith! But stick with Him; he is in control. (Thank goodness!) I just read Bone Gap!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Profound indeed.

    I have a problem letting go, as I tend to be a total control freak. I'm so used to forging my own way, fixing things, and making things happen. I'm trying to learn to let go and let God. It's liberating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too, I'm such a fix-it-myself person. But I'm learning that letting go is always so worth it.

      Delete